Dear faithful readers: All 8 of you lol
I realize that I have neglected my blog and for that I am sorry. I find that writing things honestly and candidly help me out a lot so, let me update you on what grand things have been happening. For starters I have quit my job. For those of you who do not know why, I recommend reading the first blog. There is a strange kind of liberating feeling that comes over me whenever I think of the fact that I am unemployed but at the same time I feel like I am being some kind of irresponsible. I have a love/hate relationship with responsibility. I fear it immensely and embrace it all the same. I chalk this up to the fact that responsibility found me early. I have been working since I turned 14 non-stop with a few one week vacations sprinkled in between.
I find it incredibly ironic that I left my job @ a time when I just made the NuyoRican National Slam Team (yay me) which requires an immense amount of time and dedication. For this, I am excited that I am no longer working, because I can concentrate on the poetry. Honestly I do not know how I would have balanced finding housing in NYC ( Which is NEXT to impossible) for my clients and attempting to memorize 1 billion new pieces for Nationals. I am extremely grateful that I made The Nuyo Slam team, realizing that a lot of people compete for a chance to be on this poetry team every year. I am proud of myself, I am amazed, I am surprised but most off all I am inspired to be better. I am extremely critical of myself, to the point where it sometimes teeters on psychotic. Do not misunderstand me I am no where near a perfectionist, I am many flaws rolled into one great big ball of mistakes, I just always find the need to push my self to the next level of what I perceive to be a great achievement. This abnormal behavior of beating myself up until I am who I want to be can have one of two affects on me. I can either succeed immensely or fail terribly.
Prose’s worst fear:
I have many, but this Fears drives me BANANAS. Everyday I have watched people have nothing but the clothes on their back, have no one but me to rely on as an emergency contact. Everyday I see what one mistake can lead to and it makes me absolutely critical of every step I take. I challenge myself, and then I fear I haven’t challenged myself far enough. I am seeking help in my poetry lol I promise I am.
I am grateful to every single person who has EVER believed in me through this process, Every Single person who has ever listened to my poetry in a venue, read my poetry on line, or listened to the rough draft versions over the phone esp. (Louis & John). I am grateful for the people that are in my life at this present moment who will help me write even more beautiful stories, and will assist me in taking my work to a level I could never imagine it going in a million years.
Thank you. For those of you, who pray, pray for me. I am a work in serious progress & there are so many more hills to climb before I can even get to the base of the mountain.